everybody else is doing it....

It's officially here. I'm too lazy to delete everything from here, so it'll stay. I also only moved the last 50 posts from this blog so as not to clutter up the new one.

So I think my time at livejournal has run its course. Both of my blogs have been neglected, so I'm going to merge them. The current plan (assuming all goes smoothly) is to export this blog to my blogger account which can be found at www.vmcintyre.blogspot.com.

We'll see how it goes.

It's been fun, and I'll probably keep my account open, but likely won't be posting here anymore. So if you're one of the few people who read my recaps, see the above address to find them in the future.

When we last left off, Landon and Britani (who can't spell) were big winners and Nehemiah and Katie were losers in the Duel. Everyone was sad about Katie leaving, as they should be. The meatheads rejoiced at Nehemiah's ousting...because he's weird and smiley and says inspirational things. And Evan acted like he knew he was gonna win the whole time.

Cue horrible/offensive opening credits. It should be noted that Evan seems to be leading the song and dance ritual...much like he thinks he's leading the d-bag posse.

Anyhoo, it's Brad's birthday, and as such, everyone in the house is getting deucefaced. Dunbar and Paula are off somewhere away from the action snuggling on a couch...or are they? I just saw Paula in the midst of the drunk action. What's up with that, editors?

Party's over and MJ and Isaac are in a bedroom talking about how Isaac has been passing out and getting drawn on. He protests, but the editors helpfully cut to some footage of this happening...he also apparently had a disgustingly long toenail, which Landon is seen cutting.

Now that that's over, they cut to Diem and Ruthie dumping some flower petals on the floor making a path to a bedroom for Tori and Brad so they can get. it. on. Brad explains that they're recently engaged after meeting on a challenge.

Now we're back to Dunbar and Paula laying in a bed and talking about the d-bag posse and saying they're they only ones they can trust. Dunbar interviews that he thinks he'll be going in soon and he'll be happy to go in because people will underestimate him. Foreshadowing? We'll see.

Meanwhile, Aneesa and Ruthie are outside chatting about where they think they stand among this pack of assholes. Ruthie says Isaac is her partner and the only one who has her back. She asks Aneesa to pick Isaac so he'll pick her and then quickly interviews that she doesn't know if she can trust her. Aneesa confirms that when she interviews that she's only looking out for "[her] black ass."

The rest of the douchebags are having storytime about the nailcutting adventure. Isaac interviews that he had been growing them out for 4 months and I threw up in my mouth.

OK, while I was busy choking back the vomit, TJ was explaining the challenge which involves jumping off a cliff. Sadly, it also involves safety harnesses. We can dream, can't we?

Commercial. I am not a fan of Green Day (at least not their latest material) even though Tre Cool said I had perfect ears. But he was drunk and I was driving him around in a golf cart, so...there ya go. Complimenting my ears will get you nowhere.

And we're back! OK, the ladies are harnessed into a swing of some sort and the dudes are standing at the edge of the cliff keeping them from falling. Again, what's with the harnesses? Whoever holds their ho up the longest wins. Landon makes the list and Dunbar and Paula go first, since they have cooties. He interviews that both of their palms are sweaty and she falls to her death. Well, really far down and everyone wonders what happened to her...then she suddenly bounced back up.

Derek and Kimberley are next and she screams like a little bitch. She then complains that he's killing her arms, so he lets go of her and she doesn't fall to her death.

Now it's Big Easy and Jen. She hopes that because he's a big fat guy and she's a little skinny girl they'll win it all. They didn't seem to last much longer than anyone else.

Isaac and Ruthie are next, these people really aren't kidding about having partners, they're always together. His legs are shaking, and then he drops her.

Now, it's the happy couple....he drops her and she screams, as does Kimberley who is just watching from the side.

Evan and Diem are up and she's bitching at him to not let her go, and he complains about how he doesn't speak gibberish, he speaks Canadian English. Hmmm, this whole time I thought he was speaking in Douchebag in a Dickwad dialect. My bad.

Commercial.

And we're back! Evan says he's sick of her gibberish and telling him what to do and claims she told him he was going to the Duel. He drops her and says he doesn't want his arms to be tired for the DUel.

Next are MJ and Aneesa. God, this is getting tired. OK, so they all take turns doing the same thing and the girls never die.

Mark and Rachel are up and he says he needs to get to 1:25 to win. Rachel says unlike the other girls, she's gonna use her buffness to help him out.

Landon and can't spell are up and are the last people, thank god. She's counting out the seconds while he tries not to drop her and her orange weave into the ravine. She flails around like...um...something that flails around as she fals.

TJ announces the winners and says Mark and Rachel beat the closest team by over 20 seconds. I guess Rachel's buffness strategy worked. She then interviews that SHE pulled off another victory as if Mark had nothing to do with it.

Back at the house, Tori, Brad, and Diem are all talking about who they think will be going into the Duel. Tori says that the people at the bottom of the order are really the ones with the power. Brad tells her not to make waves, because the less waves you make, the farther you'll go in the game. He says they can't make moves for a few more weeks.

Isaac and Kim are in another room talking about the same thing, and they both think they might go in. She thinks she'll go in because she's little, Isaac thinks he'll go in because...I don't know, he started talking about his gross toenails again and I passed out in a pool of my own vomit.

Now Mark and Rachel are making the list and they know that everything will work the way it should. You know, in favor of the worst people in the world.

Commercial. OK, so I totally like Dove soap, but they just described the "juicy goodness" of it. Soap? Juicy goodness? No.

Rachel is talking to Ruthie and can't spell and is talking about how things work. She keeps saying "you know" after every other word and Ruthie is like, "Rachel's a liar, she keeps saying 'you know'". Rachel then interviews that Ruthie isn't stupid and she's not looking out for her because she's her biggest competition.

Evan's still whining about going into the Duel the last two weeks in a row. Dude, if you think you're so great, why are you complaining? Anyhoo, he reasons that no matter when you get picked, unless you won the challenge, you can still go in...like him...and then he whines that he'll probably go in.

Now Tori and Brad are in a bedroom arguing about what their strategy should be and he's telling her that she needs to vote for who she was told to vote for. She says she doesn't like playing the game like that, and he complains that it's gonna ruin HIS game. Now he's telling her she's an idiot who can't define the words "logic" and "respectful", which is how she wants to play the game. She calmly tells him to be respectful and walks out because he's being an asshole. She tells him she loves him and his balding head (I added that last part) before she walks out. Wow, she's a better person than I am, I would have kicked him in the nuts and made fun of his "fucked up" hairline (his words from the San Diego season arrest!).

Commercial. Wayans Invasion to the maxx! And y'all were worried about the swine flu. And I am not a Mac person. No offense, Mac people. I just don't think it's a good idea to choose condescension as a marketing campaign.

And we're back!

Brad's still complaining about "respecting the voting order" in the house. MJ interviews that it's a bad idea for engaged couples to go on this show. He tells him to agree to disagree. Like that's gonna happen. Brad's decided that getting in bed with assholes is the best strategy EVER!

They're picking now and it's like the same as every week. Brad picks Tori, who looks strained. She ends up picking MJ like she's supposed to, even though she clearly hates herself. Aneesa, meanwhile, did not pick Isaac, she picked Big Easy because the cool kids told her to. Needless to say, Isaac and Ruthie are last...I hope she picks Aneesa.

Ruthie chooses...Kim. Damn. Isaac chooses "Lando". Hahaha, he's really mad about those disgusting fingernails. He now interviews that he was growing them out for 6 months and they showed the footage again and I'm gonna need a new laptop.

Kim and Ruthie are playing back off, the game with the hooks and hanging rings. I missed what the boys were playing. I'm still gagging. Kim is crying and saying she "could care less that she picked her" but her hand hurts. Pet peeve here, you COULDN'T care less! COULDN'T! If you could care less, that indicates that you at least care a little!

Anyhoo, "Lando" is saying it was a dumb move to pick him. I say, whatever, get rid of some of these a-holes who think they own the game.

Commercial. Boom! Boom! Fiyahpowaaaaaaaaaah!

 And we're back! It's Duel time and Isaac and Landon are up first. They're doing that climbing/puzzle game. As we all learned last time, they better put the top parts in first and work their way down. Davis didn't think that far ahead and provided Evan with an opportunity to beat his chest and act like he was a big man for ridding the house of a gay guy.

Evan, feeling left out, interviews that he hopes Isaac wins because Landon is his biggest obstacle to winning. Isaac and Landon are pretty evenly matched in this one and the girls seem pretty surprised.

I'm still cracked up that these people call Landon "Lando" like it's saving them some time or something. Issac falls as Evan puts in the last couple of pieces. Awww. Sad, but at least I won't have to hear about his gross toenails anymore.

Paula tells him she loves him and interviews that he needs to leave his toenails at home the next time he comes back. He says he'll come back next year looking like Megatron. That's a giant robot, right? I hope he's telling the truth, because that would be awesome.

Now it's time for the girls. Kimberley is saying she hopes she has some inner demons to unleash in order to beat Ruthie, who is calm and says she's gonna do what she does. She's staring that bitch down. They begin to wrestle, and Kim is putting up a fight. Ruthie knocks Kim over, but while she's down, she pulled off Ruthie's hook. Rachel interviews that Kim is much smarter than Ruthie for doing that.

Oh god, please let Ruthie win. I hate Rachel. Well, I hate just about all of these people. Ruthie's like the only normal person there. Anyhoo, it's 1-0 Kim. First to 2 wins.

Commercial. Did you know that dreams can be real if you let them? And that has something to do with cotton being the fabric of our lives. Also, when is Sway going to learn to open his mouth all the way when he talks? I hate the way he talks.

And we're back!

TJ tells Ruthie she needs to pick it up. She's being a little more cautious this time. She gets Ruthie's hook off again and Ruthie headlocks her. She gets her hook up before Ruthie and the evil people of the world all jumped and screamed like banshees, happy to see Ruthie gone. Ruthie rolls her eyes at those jerks who came down and pretended to be sincere in saying their good-byes to her.

Ruthie was classy and congratulated "Kimmy" before she left. Back at the house, Aneesa was glad Ruthie was gone because she would have made her life a living hell. Evan's like, "I don't know what happened, it was like Ruthie blacked out in there!" Well, if you were in such belief, why did you guys let her end up being picked last?

Ugh, back to Brad and Tori fighting over this whole thing. Tori's upset because Ruthie shouldn't have been in the Duel. She didn't think it was a big deal to switch one vote. She says it's a stupid game and they shouldn't be fighting over it, and he said he'd stand by her no matter what when they got engaged. Dude? Do you know who your fiance is? He's all about these damn challenges! He claims he doesn't care about the game, which, why are you saying that now? You've been fighting about this game the whole time because you want to play by the d-bag's rules! For whatever reason, they're captioning everything they're saying as if they're speaking another language.

Next week, Paula and Dunbar fight about something? And Diem is yelling at Evan about falling.

And I'm out! Time to clean up all this vomit.

 

Let the douchebaggery begin...

When we last left off, Ladon and Ruthie were big winners and Brooke and Davis were big losers. We were treated once again to Evan saying he hoped to "kick the crap out of Davis". How nice. Then it was pointed out that everyone's onto Evan.

Cue offensive/horrible opening credits...I love that Kimberly at least seems to realize this whole thing is retarded.

Evan talks about how beautiful New Zealand is and how adorable all the sheep are and then is shown running around with them. That seems about right since he's a big dumb animal. I mean no offense to the sheep, because to their credit, they were running the hell away from him.

Ruthie and Nehemiah are plotting...errr....well, talking about how they're playing the game right and not dirty. Haha, he says he's not gonna play this game on his knees...a position I'm sure most of these people are familiar with.

Cut to footage of Katie running around and wrestling with other girls in the house...but not in the way that Rachel and Jen are about to wrestle. Jen's trying to pretend that they were just good friends on the last challenge and wonders why Rachel's not being all bff with her this time around. She whines to her that she's heartbroken and upset. Rachel responds that she's confused by her because they made out big time on the island and when they left, Jen was "cold". Basically, what's going on here is Rachel is a lesbian and Jen is a crocodile lesbian...when it helps her get screen time or puts her in a position where a strong player would want to keep her around. See what I mean about these people? They're horrible. I don't like Rachel and don't want to take her side, but Jen went out of her way to say nothing went on between the two of them in interviews (despite video footage that said otherwise), so her whining about being hurt is not convincing me. But Rachel, like most of these people, is dumb, so I guarantee they'll be getting. it. on. by the end of the episode.

TJ mentioned that the challenge involved them writing bikes or big wheels down some hill...but there's a catch.

Commercial. Of course. Did I mention the Army commercials are back? Ugh.

And we're back. They have to solve some sort of puzzle...and there's one more catch: they will be wearing what TJ described as a life-sized bobblehead. They look like lampshades and they have comically oversized ears on them. OK, so I guess they're running and not on bikes. My listening skills? Not the greatest. Plus, I was busy keeping up with the faux lesbian/real lesbian drama. Derek complains that he can't run up the hill with the bobblehead to save his life. Landon gets up the hill first and gets on some cart to race down the hill. Evan is close behind him. Isaac, meanwhile is complaining about how he can't see because the little hole in the lampshade keeps moving.  Mark complains that his sled's brakes are stuck, so he's going down really slow.

Dunbar meets up with his partner Paula...and by meets up with her, I mean he ran into her and knocked her over. Diem is shown chasing down Brittani..what was the nickname I gave her last week? I'll check during the commercials. Diem passes her and gets on the cart first. Tori and Aneesa are shown crashing into each other and apologizing...ok, maybe there's hope for those two. Diem gets down first and runs to Evan who grabs her and pulls her over to the puzzle. He's excited because Diem's good at puzzles, and he's "no slouch, either". See how he's all about the puzzles because he won a challenge involving one? He was bitching about it before. Anyhoo...

Commercial.

And we're back, Landon and Brittani made Evan eat his words by easily finishing the puzzle before everyone else. Diem's all upset about it, which really sucks according to Evan because they started 10-15 seconds before them. He then says he's embarrassed by the piss-poor performance on the puzzle.

Back in the house, Jen is complaining about her shoulder hurting or something and crying about how she can't stay in if she's gonna have permanent damage. Paula says she hopes she isn't hurt because she seems to want to go home and she needs her there so she won't get shipped off.

Haha, instead of loading Jen in some sort of bus or shuttle to go to the hospital (which is what they normally do), she's shown getting into this ghetto car that's probably owned by an intern on the show. Budget cuts, people! Landon and Brittani are shown scribbling away at the list...and then Jen shows back up and tells Derek that the doctors told her she probably shouldn't compete and she says she might totally lose the use of her arm completely. Which, I doubt it what they said would happen, but whatever. Who knows what she's gonna do. She's on this show which means she probably lives for money, so I'm guessing she'll stay.

Commercial. I could have done without the full length "droppin' 35" rap about that gum. The entire commercial break was that idiotic song about gum that comes in a pack of 35.

And we're back! Jen walks into the room with Nehemiah who has set up candles and plants, creating a "zen" atmosphere. Nehemiah gives her some words of wisdom and she decides that she's not quitting. He calls her "the coolest person here" and the only person he can trust. Haha, watch her fuck him right in front of Rachel and then wonder why she doesn't want to hang out with her.

Anyhoo, Dunbar and Landon are complaining about the inspirational sayings that Nehemiah posts on the door each morning. Dunbar says there's "some transcendental stuff going on in that room." Meatheads.

Katie is talking to Ruthie saying that next week, they'll probably be targeted. Ruthie interviews that she hates the smug bitches who stroll around knowing they're safe from the Duel. Katie says they have power now, but they'll flip the switch next week. I hope so, because Katie is always entertaining on these things. People hate going into Duels against her because she will literally die before giving up in these things. Seriously. There was one where they had to stay underwater for as long as they could and she was under there forEVER!

Anyhoo, they're picking and it's basically the same as last week, which Nehemiah helpfully points out. He also adds that they're ugly on the inside. Jen and Nehemia are not picked, so they'll be in the Duel. Nehemiah is choosing first and they play dramatic music, which of course means...

Commercial.

Nehemiah says he needs to go for the sneakiest bastard of them all, so Evan's going in again. He says he doesn't understand why he's being targeted and is pissed. Then interviews, "I don't understand anything, that's the problem." Jen's taking her time and Katie interviews, "hurry the fuck up and pick a person." Jen obliges and picks Katie.

Evan interviews that he wants to grab Nehemiah by the hair and smash his face into the ground. Homeskillet needs to lay off the 'roids. Anyhoo, Evan and Nehemiah are doing Elevator and Katie and Jen are doing pushover. Evan says his back and arms are tired from the previous duel and he's scared.

Ruthie and Big Easy? Sorry, I wasn't looking, were giving Katie tips on how to win her Duel.

Remember what I said about Rachel being stupid? She interviewed that she has a weakness for Jen and is all up in her bid'ness. Evan, meanwhile, is whining to Paula about how Nehemia is cruisin' for a bruisin' and calls Nehemia an "idiotcoward". He keeps qualifying everything by saying his arms are still tired from the last Duel. See what he's doing? If he loses, it's because  he was tired. If he wins, he's the greatest guy ever for being able to beat a guy who is at full strength.

Anyhoo, we're about to start and Evan is complaining about his arms hurting and how he doesn't get to beat anyone up. Stop with the 'roids! I don't think there are Duels requiring one to grab another by the hair and smash their faces into the ground. Just a hunch.

OK, let's start this thing. MJ interviews that he doesn't like Nehemiah because he's weird and always smiling. And he has a "serenity room".  I hate these people. Nehemiah is working steadily while Evan is freaking out and keeps trying to stand up. TJ keeps telling him he has to sit down...I hope he gets DQ'd. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Commercial. Oh my god, there are more Wayans? I thought we'd seen the last of them. Children of the Wayans brothers?

And we're back. Tj is still yelling at Evan to sit down. It looks like Nehemiah is winning and Evan says all he can do is pull harder and faster to win. Nehemiah says he can't think of defeat...shiiiiiiiit! Evan won. Barely. How was he not disaqualified for trying to get a better position? Evan once again acts like he knew he was going to win all along and said he hopes the message is out there that he's out to kick some ass. He then calls Nehemiah a "fun sponge" and tells him to go home. I REALLY hate Evan.

OK, here go the girls. They have to try to puch the other off the platform, first to do it twice wins. Jen says her shoulder is definitely inflamed, but reasons that it'll only be a few seconds of contact. Katie gets pushed off after about 20 seconds of continuous beating with a pad. Katie pushes her off pretty easily the second time and interviews that she "knocked the bitch off and it's all tied up." They set for the next collision and we hear the sound of the pads crashing together and the d-bags are all, "ooooooohhhhhhh!" and we of course...

go to commercial.

And we're back! Shit. Jen won. Dammit! Katie is way better! And now I have to watch Jen and Rachel make out again...and you know there will be drama when later on Jen acts like nothing happened. Katie tells her friends not to get too confident.

They all arrive back at the house and Evan yells, "I'm back!" and then goes straight to the inspirational statement Nehemiah had put up and rips it up while Paula tells him to stop being a dick.

Cut to Jen and Rachel wrestling...quite violently...funny, I thought Jen was hurt. Then they go inside and get. it. on. Loud enough for all the other people to hear. Well, if they leaned up against the door. Then they went outside and opened the window to listen some more. Jen interviews that they rekindled their "friendship." See where this is going?

Next week: Brad and his fiancee Tori fight about something and Kimberly screams like a girl.

And I'm out! Thanks for reading!

When we last left off, Ryan was a victim of homophobia and lost in the Duel to homophobe MJ. Robin, while not a victim of homophobia, was also ousted in the women's Duel by Kimberly. Also? Paula done screwed up the douchebag posse's plans. I can't figure out how, though, because all the douchebags are still there.

Anyhoo - cue offensive/lame opening credits.

Big shock, they're all drinking. Brooke is saying she's gone a month without sex and is on the prowl. She didn't say she was on the prowl, but why else bring that up and walk around showing your boobs to people? She tells Rachel and Evan that she wants to stay as long as she can and is whining that she's not athletic. She's also "not sober".

Meanwhile, Davis and Nehemiah are teaming up against the alliance, or at least that's the plan. Paula is talking to them and saying Evan thinks he's running the whole thing. She says Evan's a "shady, shady bastard...but when the time comes, I'm sure he'll have my back."

Cut to Evan who's talking to Brad and Landon, who are telling him that she's "jeopardizing a high stakes game"...which is more important than a friendship. See? This is why I hate these people. These stupid challenges are more important than their friendships. Evan says he doesn't know what he's going to do, as he's between a rock and a hard place.

So today's challenge is called "all shook up" and it involves these morons crossing over a mudpit on a rope (while holding a parallel rope above the one they'll be balancing on) - but there will be two people crossing at the same time and they will be trying to shake their opponents off into the mud. OK, wait, they won't cross, they'll just go out to the middle and shake their groove thangs. Also, more than two are on at a time, sorry. I'm not a good listener.

Commercial.

And we're back! Mark and Rachel get to pick who goes against who since they won last week. Brooke says her strategy is to  hold on for dear life and avoid going into that disgusting muddy pit. Good strategy since that's like, the entire point. In this one heat, 3 of them fell off at the same time. Paula hit the water last and beat Rachel, pissing her off because she's in the d-bag posse. Ruthie is kicking ass in her heat, and shakes off two skanks.

The final heat is Ruthie, Paula, and Kimberly. I guess there are three phases, but everyone up to this point (earlier rounds) had fallin off in the first two rounds, so they didn't know what to expect. Basically, in round 1, you could hold on with both arms, and shake the top rope, in round two, you could only hold on with one arm, and in round 3, you can use both arms and legs and shake both ropes.

Commercial. The show is kind of boring tonight. Or my wrist just really hurts because I'm already tired of doing this. On a related note, I should buy giant pants and go around wearing them and pulling them out in front of people claiming to have lost a massive amount of weight thanks to Dexitrim.

And we're back! Ruthie is stalking toward the other girls and knocks Paula into the water. I feel like she's done this before, she's super good at this game. She knocks Kim off a few seconds later.

Now onto the dudes. Isaac says that he's next to MJ who has to do nothing since he's "17 feet tall". Then Isaac falls off. I think Brad fell off next, then Davis. The next heat is Landon, Derek, Dunbar, and Mark. Derek is down first, then Dunbar. Mark and Derek have to go one hand only and they both want to go to phase three because phase two is weak sauce. Landon says because he's shorter, he's at a disadvantage and quickly pounces on Mark and kicks him off the ropes. Brad calls him Lando, which is pretty funny, because why shorten it if you're only taking off one letter? Big Easy, Evan, and Nehemiah are in this next heat - Nehemia knocks Evan and Big Easy off in one sweep.

The final is MJ, Landon, and Nehemiah. They're playing this ridiculous techno music like it's the damn Matrix or something (which I have still never watched all the way through - I reFUUUUUUUUSE! to suspend that much disbelief! What a pile of crap!).

Commercial.

And we're back! MJ falls off first and it's down to "Lando" and Nehemia - TJ says they "can touch each other". Muchachos sucio! "Lando" totally wrestles him off and interviews that he finally feels safe! Aw. More like ew. God, these people suck. They won wireless routers for their efforts. Brad thinks this will be interesting because Ruthie's usually not into alliance bullshit.

Oh, I forgot to mention that during the challenge, Evan made some comment about Big Easy falling into the mud before him and leaving no mud for him to fall into. We get it. He's fat. Hence his nickname.

Anyhoo, everyone in the house is freaking out - Ruthie wanted Katie to be the first one picked and she also wanted to make sure Isaac was saved, too. They only have 30 minutes to choose how it's all gonna go down.

Anyhoo, Brit is first, then Mark, (so not what they said), then Rachel, Brad, Tori, MJ, Aneesa, Isaac, Katie, Big Easy, Diem, Evan (big pause for drama)....

Commercial.

And we're back! Who is Evan going to choose???? He picks Kim (Paula is "shaking with rage" over Evan's lack of balls, then she flips him off). Anyhoo, Derek, Jenn, Nehemiah....pause for more drama. He hates this because it's Paula, Dunbar, Davis, and Brooke - all of them "have [his] back." He picks Paula, who then picks Dunbar...which ends up leaving Davis and Brooke left to fend for themselves in the Duel. Davis chooses Evan because "he's kind of annoying" and wants to "take the mastermind out". Please please please! let Davis win. Evan says he plans to "kick the crap out of Davis". Brooke picks Brittney or however her name is spelled, because she's a rookie and that makes it "fair".

Evan and Davis are playing "Spot On" a game we haven't seen yet, and Brit (that's her name now) and Brooke are playing "Back Off". It's the game where Aneesa and whatserface beat the stuffing out of each other. Evan decides that this game must be a puzzle and says it's "the one thing Davis can beat him at." Again with the homophobia!!!

Evan then goes and asks Davis why he picked him and Davis said it was nothing personal, he just wanted to go against him. Am I wrong to be so annoyed with these meatheads thinking there's no way they can be beaten in a physical challenge by a gay guy? And this is a challenge, where they always have the chance of ending up in the Duel, why take it so personally? He's also wondering why Paula's mad at him. I kind of am, too, I mean, she said he was a shady bastard, yet still seemed to think he'd be loyal to her.

Jenn is telling Brooke that she can totally throw Brit around easily, and then Brooke says she doesn't want to because she "believe[s] in positive thinking". Why is she on this bullshit?

Anyhoo, they're all drinking again and Evan is giving Davis the stink-eye and yelling shit at him. Davis retorts, "I just hate bullies". Which is totally right on, these meatheads come in and declare themselves to be running the show and treat everyone who isn't in their little group like crap. Davis interviewed that if he or Nehemiah were last, they were both gonna vote for Evan, so it's not like it should have come as a surprise to Evan.

Commercial. This "Fighting" movie looks so bad. How is Channing Tatum allowed to be an actor? He's like Vin Diesel lite.

And we're back! The girls are up first. They have the hooks that they have to pull off the other girl's back and attach it to a hanging hoop. First person to do it twice wins. They're playing death metal as Brit rips the hook off Brooke and attaches it to the hoop. Katie says Brooke needs to go crazy and start swinging like a crazy bitch. She is then thrown to the ground quickly and has her hook ripped off. Brittani says she feels like she "just won the entire world." Whatever that means.

Nehemiah feels bad and says he feels like he's the reason she's going home. Well, duh! He should have picked Brooke since she would have saved his buddy Davis.

OK, so this Spot On thing is some sort of a puzzle. Evan's still bitching about that and said he wanted to "send Davis home in an ambulance." Real nice, jerk. This puzzle is on a climbing wall and Evan is getting all mad and frustrated really early on. Which is funny because Mark and Landon told him the night before to just stay calm. Which is is so not doing.

Commercial.

And we're back!!! Davis is calmly working on the puzzle but found that he can't climb up with the bottom pieces in. Katie tells him to take one out so he can get up to the top.  Evan is winning because he started at the top. Boooo! He goes and hugs Davis and acts like he was confident that he was going to win the whole time and had never been acting like a baby about the whole thing. Well, d-bags, I hope you're happy, you sent the two gays home. Who will you pick on next?

Now Evan says he's upset about Paula being mad at him because she's "a dear friend" of his who showed her boobs to his brother. Back at the house, he goes and asks why she's mad at him and she's like, "duh! You didn't call my name!" Paula's crying about it later and Jenn rightly tells her that he's not worth being friends with since he thinks money is more important. Nehemiah is having to explain this concept to the rest of the other tools and says he can't be trusted because he's playing both sides of the fence (he's inside trying to convince Paula to be his friend again even though he screwed her over).

Next week: Jenn and Rachel are hooking up again, even though they both called it a "one time thing" at the beginning of the challenge. I can't really describe the next challenge very well, but Evan says it's humiliating.

And I'm out! Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment on these idiots!

Woo! We're back for another week of douchebag debauchery! When we last left off, Aneesa and the slutbag from the Sidney season of Real World were beating the living daylights out of each other in the duel and a big "to be continued..." flashed on the screen pissing us all off. Or me, at least.

They're recapping right now talking about CT having sex on the roof with a slutbag and then beating up Adam and getting kicked out. And now on to the horrible/offensive opening credits!

And we're back! Aneesa says she can't believe Shauvon had the balls to call her out. Shauvon had the balls somewhere else last night, if you know what I mean! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioooooooooo! MJ just referred to Shauvon as "the boob girl". I think I'm going to call her that from now on. Aneesa just told the boob girl not to punch her in the face next time. Oh, Aneesa hooked a giant carabeener (I think) onto a hanging ring and is up 1-0 and they are hitting each other with the carabeeners. TJ keeps telling them not to hit each other and is being ignored. Meanwhile, boob girl lost  when Aneesa broke free from her grip and made it to the hanging ring a second time, then Aneesa ripped off her shirt and threw it at her since she kept trying to rip it off in the course of whatever that challenge was. Hahahahaha, no one walked over to hug the boob girl when she was done and she cried about it. Paula interviews, "don't sleep with other girls' ex-boyfriends!" while throwing up the "black angel! hands".

You guys might want to update this page often, I try to go back and edit when what I'm saying makes no sense...or less sense than I normally make when attempting to describe these challenges. Oh who am I kidding? No one reads this crap!

Commercial.

Ryan is hanging out with Robin telling her that he was scared of the Duel, but he won and feels like the Energizer Bunny. They both think that he gets voted in because he's gay and since they're all lame homophobes, they think gay = weak. Robin interviews that she was worried that she wouldn't have any friends, but feels better now that she's bonding with Ryan. Cue Rachel saying Robin is crazy and has anxiety issues and has no business being on a challenge.

Now onto Brad and MJ who are talking about MJ's baby. I don't know, it wasn't scandalous, so I wasn't paying attention. The next morning, the douchebags and slutbags board a bus and are taken to an ice rink with blocks of ice sitting on the rink. Basically, they're doing some slutty version of curling sans brooms. TJ calls it "human shuffleboard". They'll be wearing bikinis and man panties, of course, because it isn't a challenge without these fools freezing the crabs off their crotchal regions. Interesting, crotchal is a real word according to the spellcheck on here.

Interesting note: the spellcheck doesn't work until I come back to edit after the post has been published. So crotchal is not a real word. Well, I suppose it's a real word until it's published, then livejournal gets all uppity about the kind of words I use on my blog.

Commercial.

And we're back!!! The winner of the challenge gets one of those cool google phones with a year of service from t-mobile. This is about as exciting as described. Diem taps her foot on the ice and is DQ'd, which she describes as "fustrating." I spelled that the way she said it, no 'r'. Pet peeve of mine right there. Learn to talk, people! Stop going to these challenges and pick up a book. Haha, like I read. But still! Go to school or something!

Round two is up, the original teams have to split up into two more teams. I think the winning team split up? I don't know. I should really pay better attention to these things. Big Easy in a speedo is not nice to look at. Especially all cold and red. Woof.

Mark and Rachel are in the finals against Landon and Brittani. However she spells it. This round is for distance only, not accuracy. They cut to commercial mid-slide. I think Landon and Brittani are going to win. Brittani was a replacement person on Real World: Hollywood. Just like Nick, who I could not place for the life of me last week.

OK, commercial.

And we're back! Every idiot on this show is recapping the action, saying it's down to the two teams I just told you about. And I was wrong! Mark and Rachel win the google phones. Then they get to start picking teams, and just like last week, the last douchebag and slutbag to get picked go into the duel. Rachel says she wants Mark to pick Aneesa - which doesn't save her from getting called into the Duel, but it does save her from automatically going in. Aneesa is supposed to pick Landon next, then I guess it's up to the rest of the morons to plot their way forward in the game.

The other d-bags are all plotting about who should pick who, and MJ says Paula should pick him. Evan? I can't remember his name, says it will backfire because she's loyal to Ryan. MJ then says, "look, he's not a big player in this game, we all know he's the weakest player out there." I think we all know what this means...Ryan's totally going into the Duel again because he's gay! And therefore weak! God, I hate these people.

Commercial.

And we're back! Paula's bitching to Evan about having to pick MJ because she wants to pick Ryan. So like, don't pick MJ. What's the big dilemma? Oh, that's right, no one can think for themselves on this show, they all have to go along with whatever the mob boss says. MJ then goes to Ruthie and is all, "you have to vote for Ryan," and she's all, "what the deuce is wrong with these people? I know how I want to vote." Then they all forget who's supposed to pick who, these people are such idiots. Like, just pick the person you want to pick, enough with this bullshit voting order. How do you think these people behave in the real world? There has to be one week out of the year when they aren't competing in these retarded challenges, right? Do you think they go around plotting out every move in their lives like this?

Anyhoo...they vote Aneesa in first. She picks Landon. He picks Brittani, who chooses Brad, who picks his fiancee Tori. She picks Evan who picks Paula. Paula picks...DAMMIT!

Commercial. Of course.

What the eff? Why is Zooey Deschanel singing about the fabric of our lives? I had such high hopes for her.

Anyhoo, we're back! Paula says she wants to make sure her "real people" are remaining - and chooses Dunbar. Evan tells her that's "fucked up." MJ says she made a bad decision and he knows she knows that.  She says she put a huge bullseye on her back. He chooses Diem, then she chooses Ryan, then they started going really fast. Big Easy picked Ruthie and Robin is the last girl standing. She says she should have been wheeling and dealing (my words, not hers), and maybe she wouldn't have been left. MJ is the last dude standing. Of course, MJ picks Ryan. DUH! He's such a douche. Then he blames Paula. Paula didn't call Ryan into the duel! How is that hers fault? Robin calls out Kimberly, who I think was also on Real World: Hollywood. Robin chooses Duel Pole Dancing. MJ picks Push Over. Isaac interviews that it's not looking good for Ryan because he's much smaller than MJ.

Kimberly and Katie are talking about how this whole list is ridiculous, which it totally is. Ryan is getting really upset saying that Paula screwed him over because she trusts meatheads. Again, I'm not seeing how this is Paula's fault. MJ is the one who picked Ryan.

Now everyone's going to Evan complaining that Paula "went rogue" and she needs to be "cut loose". Evan says he's in a bad spot because he needs to protect someone who no one wants protected. I have no pity for these problems they create for themselves.

OK, the women's duel is this pole with rock climbing grips and they're both on the same pole and can try to knock the other one off.  Kim is currently winning and they're cutting to commercial as Robin catches up and grabs onto Kim's hand. They're both complaining about it being cold, so I guess it could go either way.

Commercial.

I'm guessing we'll get a "to be continued..." screen in the guys' duel this week, too. I hate MTV.

And we're back! (I hope you guys read that in the "professional radio voice" because that's how I write it) Kim ends up pushing Robin off her, and then she falls further down the pole. Kim is WAY ahead of her and rings the bell sending Robin home. That sucks for Robin, but I guess someone had to lose. She gets some Dr. Dre headphones for winning. Woo! Keep their heads ringin'!

Robin manages to stop herself from crying and waves goodbye to her. She interviews that she keeps coming back because she loves pushing herself. Bullshit! If she loved pushing herself, she'd get a real job!

OK, it's the dudes' duel and MJ and Ryan are going to be on a platform and their goal is to push their opponent off the platform. The guy who pushes their opponent off twice stays on the show and gets Dr. Dre headphones. TJ says it's "real simple" and not to "overthink" it. Not gonna be a problem.

MJ totally runs at Ryan full force and took longer than expected to knock him off. They begin the second round and, while Ryan put up a good fight, he was pushed off again. Fuck you, MJ! Maybe Ryan and Davis will make out one more time.

Ryan says "woe is me" and kisses Davis (not password status). He said he hopes Davis stays and "represents for the gays". Paula said she did what she had to do to keep people around who will keep voting her in.

Brad says he understands what Paula did, but that she should have told them in advance. I think she did, didn't she? She told Evan that she didn't feel comfortable voting for MJ. Evan is saying he has to refocus because no one trusts him...cue Landon saying Evan is shady...and making a bad reference to a house of cards falling...while making an actual house of cards fall. Lame.

Next week: Davis and Nehemiah are plotting to take out the douchebag alliance.

And we're out! Thanks for reading! Don't forget to comment on your favorite moments of the evening!

Ugh, Mark is back. I thought he was retiring from these things. Haha, and Big Easy who almost died in the final challenge of one of these things is back. Rachel, Robin, CT, Ruthie...OK, I'll just try to remember everyone as I go along. It's the same people who always do these things. I recognize more of them than I'd like to admit and there are some people who I have no idea where they came from.

Anyhoo, they're in New Zealand. They're gonna keep picking teams boy/girl/boy/girl. The last two people picked go into the duel. And those people get to choose someone to go in? What? That makes no sense. Such is life on these challenges.

TJ says the final six will be playing in some EPIC challenge, and the money will be divided up based on individual placing. Shavaun from RW Sidney, I think, said it was "every women for herself." Yes, she used the plural.

These opening credits are pretty lame, and I'm sure there is more than one tribe of people native to New Zealand who would be offended by this butchering of some sort of choreographed tribal chant.

As usual, these human stains get to stay in a really nice house, the kind of house that people like us would like to own someday, but would need to win the lottery for that to happen. Life is so unfair.

There's a guy named Derek here, but it's not the usual Derek/Derrick. It's some guy with a thick neck who must have been on road rules, because I never watched any of those seasons. Where the hell is Nick from? See? People I don't recognize.

Davis and Ryan are making out in the hot tub while sitting on Brooke's lap. Then she starts making out with them. Oh shit! Davis was the guy who got punched in the face by CT for no reason!!! Anyhoo, Davis and Ryan ditched that crocodile lesbian and got. it. on.

Ugh, Diem is here and talking about how CT was a douche to her (cue footage of him at the last challenge verbally abusing her) and I guess they're friends now because she still has no self esteem? Then Robin comes squealing into the room saying she's hearing someone having sex...it is immediately revealed to be CT and Shavaun outside in the bushes (no joke!). Robin wonders if she should tell Diem....something tells me she's gonna find out at some point. The producers need this kind of drama. God these people are low class.

Commercial.

And we're back! They're all dressed up like fools for Kim's birthday party. I recognize her, but don't remember what season she's from. Was Isaac in blackface? Did I miss it? Oh snap!!! Diem finds out that CT had sex with "someone" on the roof. Wait? Is that better or worse than the bushes? Adam told on CT and now CT wants to beat up Adam. Because it's Adam's fault that CT banged some slut. Then Katie told Diem that it was Shavaun. Diem did not take this news well and CT is all up in her face saying her feelings aren't important and he can do whatever he wants. She wants to talk about this, but CT wants to beat up Adam. CT calls Adam a clown and chest shoves him. And then clocks him in the face.

Commercial. I'd like to take this commercial break to say that this challenge is clearly not sponsored by the army like the last one. Also? CT is a piece of trash. Moreso than the rest of these people and I think that's saying a lot.

And we're back, he's on top of Adam beating the shit out of him and Big Easy and some other meatheads grab CT who is so 'roided up that he can't be held back. There's blood everywhere, as Evan helpfully points out. Evan is next seen helping Adam out of the house who for some reason has like no clothes on right now. Evan's got a really good wrist lock on him. Shit, he punched a huge hole in a wall, like through both sides of drywall. Now he's attacking the producers and chasing Adam around while a bunch of girls scream in horror. This is really fucked up.

Diem is screaming for him to stop and the girls are holding him back and she's crying saying that she knows he'll stop if he sees her. CT is being told to knock it off because he won the fight. He then looked at the producer or whoever it was and yelled, "I win every fight! I'll smash his head and eat it!" Again, this is Adam's fault? CT is escorted off yelling at Diem, "why are you crying? It's not 5 years later! Career first, right?" Oh, she had interviewed earlier that she wanted to be with him but wanted to focus on her career first before settling down...and the whole anger management thing. And he apparently took that personally.

Now that CT is gone (and Adam, too, since he did swing back), Shavaun is telling anyone will listen that she didn't fuck CT on the roof. She totally did, but whatever. I guess since the only other person who can verify that claim is gone, she can get away with it.

TJ tells the dirtbags that CT and Adam have been sent home because they don't condone violence (but they sure do love featuring it on the show!) and there will be replacements...who conveniently were already in New Zealand very early the next morning. They were standing with their backs to the dirtbags and will be revealed after the commercial.

Commercial. And again, it needs to be said, CT is a piece of trash.

MJ and Nehemiah are the replacements. MJ was a replacement on one of these things before, if I'm not mistaken. OK, so there's some sort of rugby challenge and they're picking teams. Again, I will understand the elimination thing when it happens, these things are so dumb. Oh, there are uneven numbers, so one guy and one girl have to sit out, and those people will be safe from the duel. Paula and Brad are the lucky ones.

Paula for some reason decided to divide up the girls and was all, "you guys are a team, and you guys are a team." All the jocks somehow ended up on the same team. Needless to say, they won. The guys' game was much more violent.

So I guess there's a second game, and the one person who sat out comes in and plays defense? I don't understand this. And who is this Brittani person? Why is that not being called out by the spellcheck on this thing? What? Anyhoo, it's 4 defensive players against two offensive players? Something like that. There are 3 sets of offensive players, all from the winning team (of phase one). If you get tackled, you're out.

Sorry, this description of the action is horrible, Robin and Ruthie are left and they tackle Ruthie to save Robin...because she has a weak mind and can be convinced to go along with anything. No really, that was why they said they tackled Ruthie...because she speaks her mind. See? This is why I hate these people.

Commercial. I just realized that the dude wandering around trying to buy things for a dollar in the McDonald's commercial plays Ugly Betty's boyfriend. OK, resume whatever you were doing.

Oh snap! Spencer's about to get busted! If I watched that show, I might care, but I don't because I hate people on MTV shows. Yet I watch this.

Anyhoo, Brad is talking about playing politics and blocking someone's chance of being in the duel. Wait, it's two tacklers on 4 people? Haha, Mark called Big Easy a wild rhinocerous.

Evan and MJ are the last two people and MJ says he's gonna try to be wiry. Then he was promptly tackled. Very violently.

Evan and Robin, being the only two who weren't tackled get to start picking teams. MJ seems to know that Robin is weak-minded, goes and tells her to pick him because he's good. Paula says she doesn't trust Robin. Also, I think it's funny that all of these geniuses pick on Robin because they think she's not smart. You idiots are all on this show every time it rolls around! You are not smart people!

Commercial. I hate Justin Timberlake.

And we're back! Nick (whoever he is) is saying he's banged up from all the tackling and being tackled, so he doesn't want to go in the duel. Well no one wants to go in the duel for any reason!

Evan is talking to Robin and says she can't vote in MJ because he has alliances. He says he has to have a "20 minute conversation with this fool".  Robin must not be that weak-minded, because she picks MJ. Shavaun and Ryan were not picked, so they get to pick people to pre-duel with? Ryan picks Nick (whoever he is). He's a rookie, says Ryan, and needs to pay his dues. Hahaha, Nick was whining to Ryan earlier about being all sore. Shavaun is like, "damn, I should have fucked someone who wasn't a psychopath on the roof!" and doesn't know if she should try to knock off a big gun or an easy target....and she chooses.....

Commercial. Of course.

Dammit, CT and Adam will be on the aftershow for the very first time since their epic brawl! You don't want to miss this! Of course, Mark is hosting even though he's on the show. I will never escape that man.

Shavaun chooses Aneesa because it's "the most fair." She says Shavaun is "about as sharp as a marble." So are all of these people.

OK, I'll spare you the details of all these people talking about why they'll win the duel. I will tell you that Nick (whoever he is) thinks it's unfair that he got picked since he told Ryan he was injured. The men's duel is some thing called the elevator where they're on these platforms that will rise up as the opponent pulls on a chain attached to some sort of pulley system. The first one to get his opponent to the top wins. Nick (whoever he is) has a broken hand or something and was winning, but then "reached a breaking point" and Ryan ended up winning. All the people who didn't choose Ryan in the first place cheered for him. Nick (whoever he was) is going home. He said he let his morals get in the way? I don't know. I guess that means he thought these people weren't dirtbags.

Shavaun, meanwhile, says Aneesa's giving her the evil eye, and it's all for nothing because she's "in the zone!"  Aneesa says she's enraged and feels like she's going to go crazy. I don't know what they're doing. They're wrestling and the a-holes at MTV put a big "to be continued..." stamp on the screen. I was looking for Aneesa or the slut with the poorly spelled name in the previews for the season, but MTV did a good job with the editing, so I don't know who's gonna win. Hopefully Aneesa. I remember hating Shavaun and her season.

OK, that's it. I'm not gonna do these aftershows. Oh wait, OK, so Shauvon spells her name like that. Neither, by the way, triggered the spellcheck. She says they did not have sex...but they made out (and everyone heard sex noises). Evan asks what she was moaning about and she said she wasn't moaning and was "fully clothed". Cue footage of them running out of their sex spot putting their clothes back on (he was zipping up his pants). She says "I didn't have sex with CT...on that challenge...but we had hooked up before."

Mark, who pointed out that he's also on the show in addition to hosting, announces that Diem is coming out. Diem says, "I don't believe that you think we didn't have a thing." She also calls her out and says that she herself told Diem that she had sex with CT on the challenge. The bitch shouts Diem down saying it's between her and CT and she really won't shut up. Evan breaks the tension by asking if there was a hookup.

Brooke feels the need to chime in and says no one did anything malicious. Shauvon, who is wearing a lot of cheap jewelry and bracelets that are clanging together to the point of distraction is still claiming to not know that CT and Diem were ever an item. They dated through 3 challenges, how did she not know.

Diem's crying about CT and says she hadn't talked to him since the incident and said she emailed him because she was worried about him. He's sitting backstage looking like the piece of trash he is.

OK, that's it, that's way more of the aftershow than I planned on recapping.

So I'm out! Lundy, I want my beer!

Dammit! I forgot that Adam and CT were both on Real World Paris together and he tried to beat up Adam then. That time it was because Adam was trying to keep him from getting arrested for fighting. And he tried to beat Adam up at the last challenge. In conclusion: CT is a piece of trash. Possibly, the biggest piece of trash roaming the streets of America.

And with that, I'm out for real. Unless CT beats up Adam on the aftershow. Then, of course, I'll write about it.

OK, I'm back...haha. CT says it's not his fault. He had gone through "some hardships" and was getting back onto his feet and then his brother "died on him." Shockingly, his brother is a dirtbag, too, and got into a fight with some other dirtbags and got shot in the back. So CT says he "had no business being there." So it was totally not his fault. So basically he takes no responsibility for his own actions.

And CT is denying the roof sex, also.

OK, I'm out for reals this time since it's apparent that Adam's head won't be smashed and eaten by CT.

DAMMIT! Back again! CT is going even further with the shirking of responsibility, hahaha. He says that they all planned to get CT out by having Adam start a fight with CT so he'd go home. But Adam ruined the plan by fighting back, hahaha. Which, I might believe if, you know, Adam had started the fight instead of CT starting the fight. Piece. Of. Trash.

OK, that's it! For reals! For really reals!

Lundy, beer me!

The Real World/Road Rules Challenge is back tonight, and since you'll be bombarded with tales of d-bags for the next few weeks on Wednesday nights, I'm going to prepare you for the onslaught of d-baggery by posting this video of Billy Bob Thornton being a douche for no reason at all.

Why are you not online while I'm watching High School Reunion??? They've been teasing all season that someone's life would be "ruined" when a dirty secret came out, and I thought it would be something lame and not life-ruining at all. But guess what? Some girl got outed as a hooker! Her life is totally ruined!!! Truth in advertising!!! Where is Lundy??????

Another RW/RR Challenge!

Am I finally going to get my beer for providing recaps???

Check it out!






















































sorry Mike. I had to.

I left at like 8:30 at night for SB and got in a little before 1am. It turns out that my host, Hectorrrrrrrrr, doesn't sleep very much. At first, I thought, "ok, what's a few extra hours?" We went to some other band people's apartment to play Rock Band, which I'm horrible at, then came home and it was well after 3. Now it's after 6 and we're still up. We're not being productive, either. Well, kind of productive, but not enough to necessitate being up this late. I'm gonna try to get a few hours of sleep before we're expected to be at the bus (10am for an 11am departure). We'll see how that goes.

I'll probably twitter more often than post, so check both if you're really that interested in knowing what we're doing.

I'm heading to Santa Barbara tonight so I can ride the bus with the band to San Diego to watch the women take on Stanford. Because the battery in my laptop is completely dead and Dell is taking its sweet time sending my new battery, I can't promise much in the way of updates on here. I will, however, be updating my twitter account. If you're on facebook, my updates automatically go there, but if not (or if you want to avoid facebook's horrid new layout), you can follow me here.

I'll try to remember to take pictures this weekend, too. I didn't do a very good job of it at Big West.

I hope you all have a happy weekend, and Steph, we're all thinking of you.

We had like zero free time at Big West, but I did Twitter what we were doing. Assuming I go to the NCAAs this coming weekend, I will Twitter during the game and everything since I figured out how to do it from my phone.

Anyhoo, I hit the road at 6:30am on Thursday and arrived in Anaheim at 12:15. When I got on the road, I was all proud of myself for not forgetting anything...then the sun started to come up and I realized I had forgotten my sunglasses. Lame. So I stopped at Walmart once I got to town and picked up some ghetto aviators, gatorade, and posterboard for inappropriate signs. I rolled into the Travelodge first and checked on the band, who was just getting into town. I decided I should probably take a nap instead of hitting up the big D and met up with Lorrin who had arrived shortly before I did.

So the band arrived and Paul immediately freaked out about how the alcohol had to be stored in our room. It was totally unnecessary to freak out about that business. Does he really think Christina (the band's advisor) gave a deuce about the band having alcohol? Anyhoo, there was no chance for a nap. We headed over to the ESPN Zone for the mascot challenge where our new mascot Ole was being unveiled. He wears black pants and boots, a white shirt with a men's bball jersey over it (I had to specify since the men for some reason where navy blue even though our school colors are royal blue and goldenrod), with a big belt buckle that says "Ole". He has a comically oversized head with a Gaucho hat and mask, handlebar mustache, 5 o'clock shadow, mullet (yes!), and a grin that makes him look like a pedophile. As bad as that description sounds, I kind of like him. My only requirements were that he not be a bear or inflatable. Actually, on Friday, the mascot had hurt his nose because of the way the mask sits on his head, so after several bandmembers tried it on, Lorrin ended up being Ole for the game. Anyhoo, back to the challenge, we brought our instruments and played outside the ESPN Zone for about an hour. Cal Poly's band also showed up and played their usual assortment of high school field show songs. In the end, that smelly bear from Riverside won. Then we were shuffled into Downtown Disney to play in front of Naples Restaurant where donors to the program were having some sort of reception. Were we invited in to have some free food? Of course not! We were told we had 30 minutes to get food in Downtown Disney before getting on the bus and going straight to the game. And per diem was $15 per day. Lorrin and I didn't get per diem until after the game because Christina didn't want to carry it around with her until she saw us.

Anyhoo...game time. We thought for sure the men would lose to Fullerton, but they didn't, you know, because we had made plans for Friday night. That's how things work. You want the men's team to win? Make plans for the next day. Anyhoo, within 5 seconds of putting it up, my "go C.S.U.F. yourselves!" sign was taken away by a laughing employee who clearly appreciated the sign. Anyhoo, I looked into the tiny pile of signs brought by the pep band (they didn't bring the Scott Nova sign, wtd?)...they brought a sign that said "Lick my balls, Davis" even though we weren't scheduled to play them at all on either side of the tournament schedule (men's or women's). We folded up the part that said Davis and wrote "Foolerton". Somehow, that sign was never taken away. But "go C.S.U.F. yourselves" crossed the line! Anyhoo, we were set to play Fullerton in the women's game the next day, and trombone Mike inadvertently gave us the idea for our first set of signs for that game when he said, "yeah, we just beat you! Tomorrow, we beat your women!" That led to a lot of inappropriate Chris Brown jokes, and then we decided we'd make signs that said, "yesterday we beat your men" and "and today we beat your women". Those were popular signs. We also had a sign that read "your girlfriend does", which sounds pretty useless, but it came in handy surprisingly often. That came about when Fullerton's band held up a sign that read "we don't cheat" and awesome band freshman Jayne yelled out, "your girlfriend does!!!" followed by a loud "oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!" from the rest of the band. We're sure all Fullerton heard was the last part, so we made a sign. At one point, we chanted something and their fans yelled "we can't hear you!" To which we responded with the "your girlfriend does" sign. It actually shut them up, even though it was a pretty weak response, but hey, we're easily entertained.

Steve Haas of Rockin' Taco fame met up with Binh before the game and came and cheered with us in the stands. Then he came over to the hotel and partied with us. By "partied" I mean he drank in the hotel and watched in horror as the freshmen got so bombed so fast. At one point, Oto straddled him and Jayne piled on, so I had to pluck them off his lap and apologize. Steve Haas has a major crush on Binh, and we told the kids that they hooked up in the bushes outside. We think some of them believed us.

The next day, we pulled a Chris Brown on Fullerton's women. And we kept putting up the "lick my balls" sign and it STILL didn't get taken away. Oh, and Fullerton's band kept playing the same songs as us after we'd finish playing. It wasn't UCI 2002 status, because I've been to games at Fullerton, and those songs are on their setlist (Gimme Some Lovin', Jon Bon, and Takin' Care of Business), but it was still in bad form to do that. Jerks. When we arrived at the ACC before the game, some of the players were out in the hallway stretching because some men's teams were inside practicing, and Whitney Warren saw me and yelled "Now Wut!" I didn't really know what to do, so I just yelled it back at her. Then she yelled it again, so we were just yelling it back and forth at each other for a couple of minutes while the rest of the band joined in confused, but amused. Totally didn't mean to rhyme that. The coach who was with Whitney was totally confused and Whitney was all, "that's their saying. They yell now wut at games." I wasn't about to correct her by saying that we were honoring our ghetto hero Erin O'Bryan, so I just laughed at her calling it our "saying". Anyhoo, we made a Now Wut sign for her since I stupidly forgot mine in the hotel room. I put it in a safe place so the drunk kids wouldn't spill beer on it. I knew I'd forget that I put it there. On our way out after the game, the UCR band was coming in (they have some pretty cool outfits now...oh yeah, and a BAND - kilts and tartans (whatever those sashes are called) and those golf hats) and they said, "we'll see you guys tomorrow in the final!" I was feeling saucy and said, "no, we'll see Cal Poly tomorrow."

After the game, we were once again not going back to the hotel, so we went to Gardenwalk, this new outdoor mall in Anaheim. When we got off the bus, poor little Jayne was still sick after the partying the night before and vomited in the parking lot. A few of us stayed with her to make sure she was OK, then we put some food in her and she was good to go. It should be noted that at the women's game, Jayne was throwing up in a grocery bag. Mid-hurl, one of the fastbreakers walked up and offered her a piece of licorice. Not wanting to be rude, she totally took it and ate it. She eventually threw that up, too. It was a sight to behold. Just in case she stumbles upon this blog, she totally didn't have an embarrassing hookup with a guy in the band. Nope.

OK, post-Gardenwalk, we went back to the ACC. We saw Cal Poly's players walking out to a portable trailer in the back lot and asked if they won. They looked pretty excited, but didn't answer us. When we got in, we saw the scoreboard - they beat UCR 59-58 on a layup in the last second of the game. Who knew I was the new Miss Cleo? Anyhoo, we were there over an hour before the  men's game. Like, seriously? Why couldn't we have gone back to the hotel to nap or something? We were all totally tired. Anyhoo, most of the band passed out in the stands. Gabe showed up about the time we were getting to the ACC and we chatted for a bit before the game against Northridge started. I won't make any mean comments about their band because we were in their position 10 years ago. Long Beach's band wasn't as nice. One guy started openly mocking them and made some comments about them to Clark who said, "hey, you know, that was this band not too long ago." The guy finally realized it was kind of mean and conceded, "everyone's gotta start somewhere, I guess." OK, so at no point did we think we were gonna beat CSUN, but the game was pretty close the whole way. Anyhoo, the last play was a guy inbounding the ball of Chris Devine's back and scoring on him. So, yeah. Story of the Gauchos' lives at the Big West tournament. At least the team stuck around this time and went to the entire women't game, not just the first half like last year. Stupid Bob Williams walked around with a shit-eating grin on his face since he knows he's not getting fired. The Cunnbot 2000 gave him a 4 year contract extension after their choke job in Anaheim last year as a final "fuck you" to the school that is not UCLA (we all know that was his dream job, and he never got it). I forgot to mention that the new AD came up and shook our hands (well, mine and Jose's anyway, we just happened to be standing in the right place, apparently) and said, "are we ready for a win? Alright! We're not gonna go out there and be one of those teams!" Whatever that meant. He was shorter than I expected (the Cunnbot 2000 is a tall, tall man), and while stiff, he certainly was more human than the Cunn. Hence his new nickname. But it was nice that he actually came over and talked to people in the band, the Cunn totally hated the band. There was that awkward attempt at high fiving us after one of the Big West championship games a few years ago, and that didn't go over too well because he's totally a robot uncapable of human emotion.

We went back to the hotel after deciding that it was totally not worth going to the ESPN Zone with such a big group because they didn't take reservations. Some of the band kiddies seemed upset that we weren't going with the group, but hey, we were tired, we had a long day and didn't want to wait 5 hours to eat. A few of us went to McDonalds and got a cheap, fast meal. Jayne sheepishly asked if she could go with us as if we'd say no. She said she was socially awkward, and then I explained to her that she's in the pep band, which is full of socially awkward people. Plus, she's cool and we adopted her as our own. We talked about that hookup that totally didn't happen and then she called Nikki in an attempt to get her to drive down for the championship the next day. We couldn't convince her, even after we put Oto on the phone who proceeded to call her "St. Bernard" (reference: her last name is St. Germain) so we walked over to the liquor store and bought Night Train and Sprite then headed back to the hotel.

We played 3man and thumper (but we called it disgusting thumper so everyone had to do a gross symbol) and then we decided we needed to go to AMPM to get junk food. We had an impromptu dance party inside and the clerk was actually pretty entertained. Then we headed back to drink a bit more and see how Jayne was fairing on her quest to bed a cheerleader. One person in band apparently did, but it was not Jayne. So I guess there is hope for the guys in band after all. I told Jayne to start barking up the team's tree, she'd have a better chance at "getting! some!" We also came up with a bunch of good signs and cheers for the next day while we were drinking, which is usually how some of our most random signs come to be. We also forget most of them by the time it comes to actually do the cheers and make the signs.

The next morning, the kiddies were frantically trying to figure out what to do with the leftover alcohol (I know, weak! Who has leftover alcohol on Saturday at Big West?), while we were more concerned with what was for breakfast since we were already packed and ready to go. When we got to the ACC, some old dude (they're all old there) wouldn't let us in until exactly 12pm. And even then, he totally wouldn't let us in. Jayne also started talking shit to the Cal Poly cheerleaders who were also waiting outside. One of them tried to talk back and was quickly told by I'm guessing the captain to ignore "us" as if we were all being mean. Anyhoo, once we got in, I started trying to remember the awesome signs we came up with the night before. I made one that said "what what in the butt", another that said "dirty girl" (which Jayne promptly drew bloody tampons on - they doubled as spanish exclamation points - we were told to not call people tampons, which we hadn't planned on doing, but it became a running joke because of the odd warning), and a sign that said "Big Red" (for Jordan Franey...who, in case it isn't obvious, has red hair). I know we had thought of a bunch more, but we were drinking. We held up the "what what in the butt" sign and Cal Poly's players were mesmerized by it. They really were. They were stretching and staring at it with this glazed look in their eyes. During the game, we held up the "your girlfriend does" sign up above the "what what in the butt" sign. Some girls in the front row had made a sign that said "oh snap" and ran to add to our sentence. Jose then completed it with the "dirty girl" sign. It was about that time that Christina came over and told us to take down the "what what in the butt" sign. We convinced her to let us keep it so we could write "special Margaret" on the back (a fastbreaker had commented "our Margaret is special!!!" and we couldn't resist).

As for the actual game, we were down by 15 early and it was not looking good for the Gauchos. We were totally hoping for the Mustangs because we figured they'd be tired and easier than UCR. I wasn't too worried because it was early and we've been in that position before. Hello, we've been in the final for the past 13 years! We're the 'chos, we win these games. Anyhoo, by the end of the first half, we were only down by 3 thanks to some stellar play from Sha'Rae Gibbons, Jenna Green, Chris Spencer, Special Margaret, and Big Red. And everyone else, of course. It takes a village. We pretty much owned the second half. Cal Poly was up by like a basket or two with 5 minutes to go. Again, not worried. We ended up winning by 7, so if you take away that 15 point hole we dug ourselves into, we gave them a 22 point ass whipping. After the game, we all went down to the court to watch the trophy ceremony as well as the longstanding "Gauchos cutting down the net" ritual. We chanted for Big Red and even the old people joined in and chated it with us. She asked us to pose for a picture with the team on the court after the game, and we obliged - look how much respect the band is getting now!!! We had also all signed the Now Wut sign for Whitney and Jayne gave it to her while we all chanted "Now Wut" after she cut her piece of net. She then declared the band to be the best. Shortly after the net was cut down, the team, band, and cheer all got together on the court for the most awesome photo-op ever. I then started a "UC clap clap SB clap clap" chant that everyone on the court joined in on. It was straight out of an 80s movie. And awesome.

The bus dropped the alumni off at the hotel to retrieve their cars and they headed back to SB. I drove straight back to the Bay Area and got home at about 10:45. I'm still totally tired, but it was worth it. The Big West is always worth it! Go 'chos! We'll find out tomorrow who, when, and where the 'chos will be playing. And yes, I've been invited back. Ow!

Join facebook if you want to see the pic, because linking the pictures won't work because of privacy settings.

Congratulations to the Gauchos for winning both the regular season title as well as the tournament title, and a hearty congratulations to Coach Gottlieb for winning Coach of the Year, 22 games, and an NCAA appearance all in her first year as head coach. Not to shabby. Oh, Lauren Pedersen was the tournament MVP, so big ups to her, as well.

As some of you may know...OK, I think all 5 people who read this blog know...this week is the Big West basketball tournament!!! I'll be making the annual pilgrimage to Anaheim to cheer on the 'chos with the band. And this year, I think I'll blog about the tournament. Maybe I'll put Binh up to some drunk blogging after the games. Hopefully, this will make those of you who can't make it feel a little bit like you're there.

Anyhoo, so tomorrow's itinerary involves me driving to Anaheim at 6am. I should get in around noon, and I'll hit up the big D for a few hours. I plan to check out the new Small World and go on whatever has a short line. The band is supposed to go to the mascot challenge to cheer on "Ole". Hopefully, he's not lame. After that, I assume there will be a quick stop back at the hotel before heading to the game to watch the men hopefully do something other than choke. Then back to the hotel for the requisite partying.

On Friday, the women play at noon, and then we're free after that since there's no battle of the bands this year. Disney randomly pulled their sponsorship from it. I'd blame the band's saucy antics, but the band has been pretty tame the last few years. Anyhoo, that's what's officially on the shedule so far!

I should probably start packing. The only problem is that there's no one here to distract Buff while I do that. I'm trying not to traumatize her since she was so traumatized when I left her for a week to pack up my apartment. She's been following me around constantly ever since. Seriously, she won't let me out of her sight except for when I go take a shower.

Anyhoo, more posts to come this week!

I hate to give him any credit for anything, but I'll give him credit for removing his name from contention at the Kids Choice Awards and avoiding a potentially awkward moment onstage.

That's the only thing I'll give him credit for. He's already admitted that he beat Rihanna to a pulp, and that's enough for me to not want to hear about him again.

Heigl's leaving Grey's Anatomy!!! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! In related news, TR Knight is an idiot and is leaving the show, too. He complained that he wasn't getting enough screen time. If I'm getting paid $150,000 and episode for 10 seconds of work, I'm gonna happily take my paycheck and chata.

I generally find Kanye West to be totally annoying, but every once in a while he says something that makes sense. Kudos for speaking out against violence against women.

OK, so I'm not a fan of Chris Brown or Rihanna, but as details have been trickling in about her beating at his hands, I've been getting pretty mad about it. If you google "Chris Brown Rihanna" and click on the blog results, you'll find a few websites speculating about what cause him to beat her so severely. OK, I'm sorry, but what difference does it make what "caused" him to beat her up? He hit a woman and that is never OK. I can't believe there are people out there who think she somehow deserved the beating. Worse yet, you know there are people who will rally around him and try to make this all go away.

Apparently in the past, he said that his mother was beaten up by his stepfather...which means at the ripe old age of 19, he's continuing the cycle. This is just totally disturbing. I hope she follows through with pressing charges and eventually speaks out because people need to know that what he did is not OK. I can't believe how riled up over this I am, but it's just really horrible. I hope his career is totally over.

Can't go into details. But there's no one around here to tell right now, and I was about to burst.

And now I give you a scene from one of the finest cinematic masterpieces ever made. Back to the Beach.